The BART Burger

It was late, and I was on a Fremont train heading home after an evening exam. I was really tired after the test, and all I really wanted to do was rest on the ride back. The train was fairly empty, and it seemed like I had just settled in when I was rudely jolted by the sound of a massive...

*CHOMP*

I look around, annoyed, and saw the woman across from me had just sunk her teeth into a massive hamburger. A take-out container was propped in her lap, and she really seemed to be enjoying her dinner. A little too much, maybe.

The burger was huge. I mean, like heart-attack-on-a-plate huge. The thing probably sported a whopping 1500 calories, and it was loaded down with all the fixin’s. The bun was a good eight inches around, and it was dripping with bacon, mayo, onion rings, lettuce, tomatoes, mushrooms, onions, and a variety of sauces. The patty alone probably weighed at least four pounds. Ugh. I swear, if the train had broken down in the tunnel, all of us passengers could have survived off of the burger alone for at least a week.

She obviously didn’t know the age-old rule: Never Eat Anything Bigger Than Your Head.

The lady chewed noisily for a minute, stared bug-eyed at the hamburger, and then dove in for another massive mouthful.

*CHOMP*

When she pulled away, sauce globs and bacon bits were running down her face, dripping off of her chin into the take-out box. At least that was the idea, but her aim wasn’t that great. The sauce was going everywhere: on her hands, all over the seats, and down to the floor of the car.

She went on this way for at least half an hour: lip-smacking, chomping, dripping, and gulping until the ENTIRE burger had been consumed.

And then she got up, and exited the train without a word. She left her take out box in the puddle of burger sauce on the floor, never bothering to clean up after herself.

The next day, I noticed the standard little “NO EATING/DRINKING/SMOKING” signs in the train cars had been complemented with small symbols. Underneath NO EATING, there was a picture of a hamburger with a line through it.

I wonder if Burger Lady had anything to do with the sudden change of signage.